December 1, 2006 - Friday

December 1, 2006 - Friday
Black Pete and fast sneakers

This basically from my uncle when i asked him why his youngest son had placed high-powered Nike trainers in seemlingly incongruous and odd places around their living room:

"Yeah, it used to be you put your shoes near the fireplace; the idea being that Sinter Klaas (the Dutch Santa Claus) drops his gifts down the chimney to land in a child's footwear. Because most modern houses in Holland don't have fireplaces anymore, well, the children put their shoes around the central heating vents."

Some things about Sinter Klaas:

He awknowledges his girth and does not attempt to slide his fat ass down the chimney like the retarded Coca-Cola bred North American version.

His sleigh is not pulled around by an unlikely 12 reindeer (can you imagine having to clean up after the fuckers?) but by a single horse...That can fly, naturally.

He travels around with a suspicious-looking character named Schwarte Pete (Black Pete). Schwarte Pete's jobs are threefold: Scaring the living-shit out of small children with his blacker than black face. Putting coal in the shoes of naughty children. Very bad children are dropped in a bag he carries around and shipped airfreight to Spain (I shit you not) where they spend many days being glared at by overly-dramatic little dark men with small penises and made to eat dodgy tapas.

He is a month early and dresses like a cross between Bootsy Collins and the Archbishop of Canterbury.