There is a severe disruption going on in the universe. A shakiness in the veneer of reality, a troubling state of affairs from which there appears to be no light.
The trouble has to do with my penis.
It's not getting laid.
A while back I railed against this in the form of a long missive in which I blamed this agonizingly contrived North American society with it's "get 'er done" mentality. Far better to rapidly follow the scheme of things and get the 2.3 children after you achieve a cubicle job and wife you only like some of the time.
I blamed the venues for meeting people as being crap. I blamed my age group for an incredible lack of imagination and adventurous spirit. Dating, for people my age, has been relegated to the same kind of monotony as people's day jobs. You meet people on-line via any number of the dating websites, you cycle through a bunch of people, till --hopefully-- you have an equivalent, or mutually satisfactory income, and then off you go.
Essentially dating, like everything else here, has become a corporate-controlled mechanism. The list is endless of sites and organizations providing dating services for "people on the go". It's unclear where these people are going, but I suspect it's the next channel on the television set.
I absolutely refuse to engage in this type of thing for three reasons: 1) It's fucking lame, 2) A picture and a few written words is no way to meet someone, therefore 3) It never works. It's one of these things --like the slow death of long-distance relationships-- that people are really slow to pick up on.
And Canada has it bad. Statistically per-capita we are the highest users of online dating sites in the world. I suppose you could blame the cold, but that wouldn't work in Sweden. Of course, people in Sweden are per-capita better looking than Canadians, but whatever.
Canada is also number one in the world of online sex...Someimes I look around and can understand this. Other times it makes me want to cry for this nation. Regardless, when in Canada, think twice before you use someone's keyboard.
So where does that leave me?
Trying to quell the bile in my throat when I see another couple. They are everywhere; on television, in movies, on the radio, canoodling on the beach, fondling in restaurants, touching on the sidewalk, fucking in the bushes... The whole experience is tweaked by my self-consciousness at walking down the street by myself.
ALL my friends are in relationships --for better, or for worse-- and it boggles the mind. How did they get there? They certainly didn't meet on eHarmony. Ah...yes...they've been together for a while, they met like most normal people do, via friendships, or a bar.
I guess I'm feeling excluded but it's not as if i haven't tried. It's just that every encounter I've had with a girl has gone utterly pear-shaped; from the return and subsequent shafting of who I thought was the love of my life, to the utter and idiotic maneuverings of well-meaning friends to try to "set me up"... When people start with, "You know, I know this girls who would just love..." I say, "No."
Sigh. Maybe it's just me.
My teeth aren't straight. I'm bald. Too tall, too skinny, too dark. Just plain unattractive. I can't speak. Disdain the getting-to-know-you bullshit. No major income for a 33-year-old. Live with my parents...Shit...when you look at it that way...
I am a pariah with the freedom to do only one thing in my freakish singlehood: make lewd and inappropriate comments to my friend's girlfriends. I'm too pathetic for them to even get angry at me.
I've told everyone that asks why I'm single (with the same tone of voice they would use to ask why I have a turd stuck to my forehead) I say, "I'm not going to find what I'm looking for here."
Which is true.
I suppose my attitude doesn't help either.
...Fuck you...
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