September 8, 2006 - Friday

September 8, 2006 - Friday

A.Hitler Day 4

Dear Diary,

Met with creepy Dr. Mengele today. Achtung! Had a sizeable hardened bit of nasal mucous on his cheek. Impossible to focus on what he was saying because of the poxy thing. Or, was it not nasal mucous, but some other nefarious thing? Either way, went on a tour of the SS Hospital and nearly touched a man with green skin. Had to beat him off with my umbrella as he tried to express his devotion to yours truly.

Sadly, while inspecting the operating room, my testicle got caught in the defribrillator. Mein Gott, the sensation of the raw power of electricity passing through Der Fuhrer! How can i explain? Feelings of strange euphoria followed. Mental Note: Crush Poland.

September 7, 2006 - Thursday

September 7, 2006 - Thursday

A. Hitler Day 3

"Dear Diary,

Does Goebbels think its funny to offer me dark meat when we are having our Weekly Land Fowl Feast? He rattles my sensibilities with these whimsical gags. Does he make fun of Der Fuhrer? I have made it clear in numerous dialogues, statements and affidavits that i will only eat aryan meat. It should be served with potatoes, not sweet, but aryan potatoes made from the hard work of an aryan farmer (preferably named Hans or Gunther).

Regrettably, i got my testicle caught in the turkey while Ava was stuffing the cursed bird. Im certain i heard chortling in the kitchen. Mental Note: subjugate Turkey."

September 6, 2006 - Wednesday

September 6, 2006 - Wednesday

A. Hitler Day 2

"Dear Diary, Drat! propoganda machine wobbles due to a misspelling on placards. Originally meant to read: 'Follow your leader of the fatherland!' Now reads: 'Get behind the fury of fartland!'. Heads will roll for this. But whose? Frick? Himmler? Or the degenerates at the printing press?It has not been a good day.

Got my testicle caught in a jar of mayonnaise while trying to dip french fries. Aware of snickers from Van Goort. Mental note: Annex Holland"

September 5, 2006 - Tuesday

September 5, 2006 - Tuesday

Day 1 Current mood: complacent

Day 1 of my MySpace Friend Scheme:

Serious head cold. Blowing snot and bitterness everywhere. Finishing a day of work and not looking forward to arduous journey to distant paneluk. considering entering Hitler's first Diary entry instead of my own. Something along the lines of: "Dear Diary, this is my first entry into my diary. Rommel has been looking shifty these days. Got my testicle trapped in a deck chair while vacationing in Zagreb. Eva was no help. Laughter from local staff. Mental Note: liquidate Croatia..."Or is that too silly?